Victims get their fair share of sympathy. Murderers usually just get hisses and boos. But, murderers are human, too, and they have their ups and downs. It's not easy to speak up on behalf of killers. Nevertheless, I've gathered up my courage to report on the following icky things.

Nasty Stuff A Poisoner Says When He Is Not Feeling Well

1. "What do you mean you're prescribing a little something for me?"

2. "If I felt like swallowing that filthy medicine, I wouldn't have been here complaining about a sore throat, now would I?"

3. "You taste it first, and no funny stuff."

4. "Get away from me! I've got my own pharmacy."

5. "Would you like to borrow my beaker?"

6. "Well, you can tell the warden I don't like the color of this stuff, and I don't care if he transfers me from the infirmary to solitary confinement — I'm not putting that in my mouth."

7. "Oh, no, that medication will not be particularly efficacious against the common cold. It will, however, stop a linebacker dead in his tracks."

8. "What do you think this is? The Olympic trials? Just hand over the codeine, the steroids, and the eye of newt, and I'll be on my way."

9. "I wish I'd let the nurse fluff my pillows before I slipped her the strychnine. I'd ring for the butler, but I think I gave him the arsenic. Darn this flu bug, anyway — I just can't think with such a headache. I can't even remember if the gardener has been given the weed killer yet."

10. "125 dollars for an office visit?! Open your mouth and say 'Ahhhh.'"

Submitted by Polly Whitney, with many thanks to Dr. Crippen for his cruel inspiration.